Marrying Someone With Similar Core Values Was The Best Decision I Ever Made

From now on… I’m definitely making sure I’m on the same page with someone earlier on. The second date rolled around and we had deeper conversations. Found out he was a Christian but he was okay with the fact that I was an agnostic. It was a lot for me to process on the date because he talked passionately about his beliefs for a while. We had similar values such as supporting homosexuality, which was the most important to me. But I’ve had such a bad experience with Christianity growing up that I didn’t know how I felt being with a Christian.

And discussing those views is bound to bring up conflict (that is why you’re reading this, right?!). So it’s important that you learn to fight fairly – even when you’re really fired up. When you and your partner disagree on a big life decision or a core value, it can feel like your relationship is doomed. But it is possible to have a happy, loving relationship even if you do have some different views. To create and maintain a healthy relationship, your compass must show the same direction as your partner’s.

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Are you someone who needs to be five minutes early, while your partner is someone who consistently runs an hour late? « As a matchmaker, I hear about this ending numerous relationships, » Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Bustle. « People tend to think the other person is self-centered. » Even if this isn’t an issue that directly causes a relationship to end, it can contribute to it.

From the angst of the election to the fact that political differences have factored into how different countries have approached mandates around COVID-19, it can be a lot to navigate. Beliefnet Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment. « Communication is key in any relationship, but within the context of an interfaith partnership, it’s even more vital. » It means being willing to learn about your new partner’s beliefs—and maybe even allow them to affect your own.

Think about what is important to you, how you choose to live your life and what brings you joy and satisfaction. And know that values can show up differently for each person. For example, I value fun, and I get great pleasure out of watching very bad sci-fi movies (who doesn’t love Pirhanaconda?) But he squirms uncomfortably when I suggest a Saturday of SyFy binge watching. However, he enjoys cycling down long country roads and competitive racing. I can’t sit on a bike seat for more than seven minutes without significant derriere pain and whining. You should get a feeling for someone’s core values as you are slowly getting to know them.

It depends on the open-mindedness of the two people involved.

But while most Americans would be fine with their child marrying someone from the opposite political party, their feelings towards dating across the aisle are less enthusiastic. Values are more fundamental than morals because they shape the very possibilities for your final destination. The things that you value help propel you into your purpose. They are going to determine your velocity and your trajectory. While it’s impossible to understand everybody 100%, if you understand someone’s values, you can more or less predict their actions.

This means we will be changed by the relationships we participate in from who we are into a version of ourselves that is more like the person we are with, whether we want to be like them or not. In the event that a compromise cannot be reached, you may decide to end the relationship. While it may be understandably difficult at the beginning, it’s always a plus to take this chance at long-term happiness.

Both partners should give something up.

But what are some values that you and your partner should share in order to have a solid foundation? It does sound like the sort of dating site where i could feel safe. There are an awful lot of people who use dating sites just to complain about the dating sites and how awful it is that they don’t get any matches. I’m almost an atheist, went out with a guy who was Christian, and the differences were too great.

But being aware of these differences can give you a chance to understand each other and adjust your expectations accordingly. Examples of ethics and morals being different are that ethics may be technically acceptable, but they may still bother your conscience. When you lack ethics and morals, you often lack compassion and empathy for your spouse. This may result in disrespectful and unjust treatment that will quickly turn your love sour. It can be tough to be in a relationship with a partner who pretends to be someone they’re not — especially if you’re someone who embraces you who are.

Suppose you go on a first date and notice that you both have physical and emotional chemistry with each other and you begin to see each other weekly, then by the 4th or 5th date. In that case, you should be asking and talking about core values. If it is playing with kids, perhaps one of your core values is family. While relatively small shares of partnered adults first met their partner online, some groups are more likely to have done so. And LGB adults are far more likely to have first met their partner online than straight adults (28% vs. 11%).